I was crushing my own dreams, the very vision God gave to me to fulfill, and I was crushing it word by word.
Yesterday I found myself having lustful thoughts and also thoughts of despair, “I’m never going to be free from this,” “I’m always going to struggle with this,” “I’m so weak,” “I want to be an author, but I just don’t think I’ll ever get to publish anything,” “I know I need to put in the work to get to my dreams, but I’m too lazy to get there. I’ll be lucky if I ever get anything off the ground,” “I have all these poems inside of me, but who will ever hear them?” “I feel like a nobody,”
And the worst one of them all, “God, I know I need to change, I know I need to stop doing this, but I can’t. I can’t control it, I can’t stop it—but I like it too much, and I don’t even think I want to give it up.”
Afterwards, God began to show me that He still loved me and He was there even when I pushed Him aside to indulge in my sin; He still hadn’t killed me off. I’m not sure at what moment it was when it all began to hit me, because even while I lay there in repentance I didn’t feel the least bit sorry, but suddenly I just started thanking Him.
I thanked Him for my life, for His grace and His mercy, for His love and kindness, for believing in me and encouraging me when I didn’t believe in myself, for being there for me and not allowing me to give up.
Finally God had me get up and start speaking life over myself…
Words are so powerful. I never took into account that every time I said something negative about myself, my future, that I was taking a hit. I was crushing my own dreams, the very vision God gave to me to fulfill, and I was crushing it word by word.
So I began to speak goodness and positivity,
“I am strong, I am capable, I can do it, I belong here, I declare victory over my life, I can do anything, I will not be a slave to this sin anymore because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world, I am beautiful, I am smart, I am an author, I am a poet, I am a mother, I am a sister, I am an aunt, I am a friend, I am everything God has designed me to be,”
And I started taking back everything Satan stole from me, everything I laid down and allowed him to take from me,
“I take back my joy, I take back my house, I take back my peace—Satan you do not belong here, you no longer control me, you will not defeat me because God is with me, I will get through this, I am an overcomer, I will overcome this, I will win, I take back my victory, I take back my life!”
Over and over that entire day, I spoke nothing but positivity and life into me. The thing Satan has used to get me back into that dark corner, “You’ll never change. You’re just gonna mess it up again and end up right back over here with me,” and when I mess up, “SEE?! I told you! You may as well just stay right where you at.”
But not anymore. I might make mistakes, but change starts now.
That was one thing that God kept telling me, “Stop waiting on later to show up when now is already here. Later is not coming, so stop waiting for later,” and “Change happens RIGHT NOW. Not later, tomorrow, next week–RIGHT NOW. Change is a process and it takes time to make progress, but long as you are moving forward despite the setbacks that is all that matters.”
From yesterday to today, I now understand what it means to make war, to go to war daily with your flesh because I have to pause now and then and say, “Okay, Jack–are you making progress? Are you moving forward or are you standing still today? Let’s get moving, gotta keep fighting. No more negativity, no more dead words.”
See, I write life all the time…I have even written people poems full of life, encouragement, conviction, power or whatever they needed from God…but I rarely ever spoke life over myself.
I’m here to tell you that your words make a difference. Stop being pessimistic about your situation and start speaking life over yourself, “I am victorious, I am a winner, I will not be defeated, I will rise to the challenge.” A personal one I had to declare, “I will not allow other people or other people’s attitudes to affect, shape or change my day.” You’d be surprised how often that happens.
Is it going to be instantaneous? No. Why? Because change is a process that takes time to make progress, but long as you move forward DESPITE the setbacks, that’s all that matters.
DESPITE the setbacks—that means when you mess up, when you make a mistake, you don’t sit there having a pity party and lingering around in your sin, willingly giving yourself over to it. You get up, you repent, you dust yourself off, you give glory to God for His grace, you thank God for loving you even in the midst of your sin, and for giving you the strength to get up. And then…you keep walking.
God had to remind me that there is a fighter in me, regardless of how weak I feel or how many times I want to throw in the towel, there is a fighter in me. He has made each and every one of us to be a champion. The more you say it and begin to speak it over yourself with confidence, the more it will become evident in you.
Stop allowing Satan to have reign over you with all that negativity, “I’ll never change, I’ll never get better. Yeah it sounds good, and maybe that worked for you Jackie, but that’s not going to work for me…” Little do you know I sounded JUST like that everyday of my life. Yet here I am speaking life into you (and ME, because witnessing works both ways—you end up ministering to yourself half the time more than the other person) You can be free today.
The question is, do you want to be free? Because until you get tired (and I mean TIRED, as in “tired of being tired” TIRED) of dealing with whatever it is that is holding you bondage and hindering you in your walk, you will never let go until you do. You will continue to do the same old, same old, constantly wondering why nothing is moving in your life.
What I learned is this: God has already set everything in place. We’re waiting on Him and everything to come to us, when in actuality everything is waiting on us to move so that things can begin to move in our lives.
Change is right now. Don’t wait another day for later, when now is already here.