Keep this quote in the back of your mind:
That’s how Satan works–he doesn’t force the bottle of poison down your throat; he gives it to you in small doses, disguised in things that seem harmless.
These days God has been showing me that I was in denial about a lot more than I thought…
One of those things is: The Perfect Husband
The Perfect Husband is a myth, of course. His existence is just as real as The Perfect Wife (no such thing as perfect when it comes to people, therefore neither one exists)
But one can have an “ideal spouse” that they would like to have…and this is where I was in denial because my ideal spouse WAS *cue the music* (DUN, DUN, DUN!)…The Perfect Husband.
I kept catching myself fantasizing about this man I created up for myself who would be so amazing, imagining all the things we would do together…this non-existent man became an idol, however, because he got my time, my heart–all the things God wasn’t getting from me.
So finally I decided to have a good ol’ heart to heart with God and talk about why my mind kept drifting there. Mind you these thoughts always started off “innocent,” but gradually it led to masturbation and lust. That’s how Satan works–he doesn’t force the bottle of poison down your throat; he gives it to you in small doses, disguised in things that seem harmless.
I know what God promised me. He already told me two years ago when I would meet my husband, what he would do and how we’d go on to build the kingdom together.
BUT…I kept hoping that he would be this perfect image I cooked up for myself.
God had me sit down and write a list of all the things I wanted him to be/have/do:
(WARNING: This list is LONG. But if you manage to make it to the end, kudos to you. If not, I don’t blame you…I got 3/4s of halfway into writing this list and wanted to stop, but I knew I had to keep going because I needed to be real with myself and see how UNREALISTIC I was being)
- Be 2-3 years older than me
- Be a family man
- Be a wonderful father
- Be romantic
- Pamper and spoil me
- Be a provider (doesn’t have to make a ton of money, but makes enough to take care of himself)
- God fearing, loves the Lord, strong in the faith
Seems innocent right…? Now keep going….
- Speaks at least 5 languages fluently
- Knows how to lay it down like a champion
- Fit, can be my trainer
- A chef
- A fix it man (can fix ANYTHING and EVERYTHING)
- Knows his way around cars
- Well-put together (always dresses well & isn’t afraid of a suit and tie)
- Tall (around 5’11” to 6’2″…but at least 5’8″)
- Is Asian, or Hispanic, or Black, or Irish, or Italian, or a mixture
- A songwriter
- A musician who’s skilled at playing MANY instruments (he has to be able to help me put music to the songs I’ve written)
- Can sing very well (hit that bass and them falsettos)
- Can twirl (not mandatory, but I am a Sigma Gamma Rho and it would be cool if we could put on cane dance shows together for youth to CHH music or somethin’…just sayin’…)
- A poet, does spoken word
- A producer (can make beats, produce music)
- Is so attractive he causes my friends’ mouths to drop at the sight of him
- Is patient–VERY patient
- A comedian (but not over the top)
- Has to be an Andy Mineo fan and want to road trip to concerts
- Has to like listening to CHH period
- Can dance (and is in expert in many genres) breakdance & lyrical are at the top though
- Always knows just what to say
- Can fight–skilled at kickboxing, boxing and martial arts
- At least knows Spanish so he can whisper sweet nothings to me in the language…
Honestly I’m sure there were some more items, but I can’t even remember them all right now. I am pretty sure I was nearing the end…pretty sure….sort of.
Anyway, I looked over the list and I realized how DUMB and (again) UNREALISTIC it was to have that many qualities, traits from one man. Then God turned it around, as He always does, and asked, “Now what do you have to offer? How many qualities do you possess, honestly?”
God already knows where I am, so the question is really a question for me to wake up and smell the roses.
But because I was in denial, I started trying to think up some stuff to go with all the things I wanted in this “ideal” guy and immediately God stopped me, “Jacqueline…Jacqueline. Stop. Be honest.”
And I laughed…shamefully I was so desperate to reach for something, but I knew good and well there was no way I possessed such a high number of characteristics/qualities within myself. A lot of the things on the list I couldn’t do myself–last time I attempted to twirl my cane was in 2009 when I crossed SGRHO. I wanted him to be a chef but not a great cook myself, I wanted him to be a songwriter but I haven’t written a song in a long while, I wanted him to be fit but ask me when was the last time I exercised…
Immediately what I saw was that I really wanted was an everything-man.
Then God posed the question, “How would you like it if you finally met your husband and he told you, ‘No, no–that’s not what I had on my list. Observe numbers 3-5b and look at number 368 out of 1000…hold on, I got some more here…I need you to do this, and this, and this, and this,”
(I know would look at that man crazy)
God then asked, “So how do you think he’d feel?”
Yeah. I hadn’t thought about that.
Today I woke up and pondered about all of it. I knew that I couldn’t have everything on that list because it’s impossible–but I could have a few things. The problem was I didn’t want to because it was everything I wanted, and if I couldn’t get what I wanted, then I felt as though I were settling for less than average.
What God stressed to me is that the man He has for me is not the perfect guy.
The man He has for me is the man that’s just right for me and well suited for me.
And that’s much better than The Perfect Husband, because he’s a myth.