Fan Girl (Poem)

I’ll be doing a post for this, but I thought I’d go ahead and share the poem that inspired it. For all those fan girls out there, I’m letting you know in advance this is probably going to cut deep. As always, pray that this is a blessing to all who read it and that a message is received from it.

FAN GIRL

Crumbling
Slowly fading away
I awake from this suspended reality
Child’s play
That’s all it is
Child’s play
Dive deep into your imagination
Play pretend for hours
But just pretend it’s only been
Milliseconds
Lord
Help me to see my sin today

Broken people
Broken pieces
All trying to make them fit like a
—puzzle
I’m infatuated
With false images
And all I have left to go on
Are bits and snapshots
Mere traces
Not even close to a remnant

You think you know them
Just because you read their tweets
Watch their videos
Like their fan page
Give them hearts on their photos
And follow them
On every social network account they
—own
But the Internet is like a house of mirrors
Everything you see is distorted
You only see what they want you to see

You only get a sneak peek
You don’t get full access to the real deal

The thing is
You don’t know who they really are
Or who it is you’re dying to get a
—chance
To interact with
You think they’re pretty dreamy
Fifty shades isn’t nearly as steamy
As the fantasies you’ve had
But in actuality
They could be your worst nightmare
The last person you’d ever want to
—meet
On earth

No
We should not judge books by their
—covers
However do realize that those
Photoshopped, air brushed and cropped
Cut and edited carbon copies
Are just a cover up
Raving reviews
Aren’t always what they’re cracked up
—to be
On the back of those books
People always put their best foot
—forward
Yet their true selves always reveal
—themselves
Eventually
Especially
When you were looking
But weren’t looking
Because you were too busy being hypnotized
—with the razzle dazzle
Too busy trying to figure out
How to make those pieces fit

Oh, if you could just make them fit
“Our zodiacs are in sync
And when the stars align just right
I’ll make them mine.
We’ll be together
All in due time.
I can’t wait to meet you babe
When I show up at your next
Autograph signing.
Yes,
It’ll be love at first sighting…
Love at first sight.”

I wasn’t paying attention before
I was too captivated by his smile
I wasn’t paying attention then
I was drowning in the pool of drool
Gawking over the latest post of his physic
#ThirstTraps
#TheStruggleIsReal
The struggle is real over here
I wasn’t paying attention
But I’m paying attention now
And I’ve noticed some things

Like how
For instance
There is a strong insistence
To feed into the obsession
By placating the obsessed
With the labeling
And separating
The fans
From the true fanatics
It’s my best guess
That there is a longing inside of the
—two
The ‘obsessor’ and ‘obsessee’
Desiring to be fed

But regardless of the countless
I love you’s
Showering of gifts
Tokens of appreciation
Marriage proposals
And the like

Despite the endless
Meet and greets
Interviews
Photo ops
And occasional head nods
Followed by playful
And the not so often flirtatious
—commentary

Neither one will be satisfied
It’s a take-take relationship

I should know
I had that desire once
In fact
Every now and again
It rears up its ugly mug at me
This craving to have people
Worship me
And the very ground I walk on
To the point where I could literally
Do wrong and yet
Do no wrong

And I’ll admit
There’s a certain glee I get
When I receive a mention
Direct message
A like or a comment
From a particular celebrity crush
Who I idolize so much
I get a rush
After gathering up some courage
To initiate a conversation
Get excited while anxiousness sets in
As I wait for a response
Or some kind of reply
I’ll take a favorite or a retweet
Of something I wrote
Something I write
I just
Felt like

If I finally got their attention
I would be fine
But that’s a lie
Because it never stops there
Lust always drives you
Much further
Than your intended destination
Suddenly
Before you know it
A gold star on a mention isn’t good
—enough
You’re dying for an answer
And should you be lucky enough
Out of the thousands
And thousands of people
To be acknowledged
With more than 3 characters
You think
Well hey—didn’t think that would happen!
Let’s see if we can make lightening strike twice!

I’m just a pitiful little girl
In a woman’s body
Trying to make lightening strike twice
And the sad thing is
It didn’t strike the first time

When you’re obsessed with someone
Your wish is for all your dreams to
—come true
“Isn’t it obvious?
Clearly he’s my future husband!”
Making future spouses
Out of people you aren’t quite barely
—familiar with
They could show you up close and personal
Exactly who they are

Definitely not that fabrication of a person
—you made up in your head

And yet
You still go crazy for them
Because your eyes have been filled
—with the Milky Way
All you see are stars

All I saw was a star
And my fixation caused me
To make him seem brighter
Than the One who made him,
The stars and the universe itself
He might be a star
But the Son is brighter than the sun
Because He created it

So tell me
How is it
That we turn people into imitations
Of living, breathing
Molten and graven images?
How do we take flashlights
Gaze upon God’s glorious light
Then declare a measly lightbulb
Worthy enough
To take the place of the Savior
Who is light itself
And gives life
To all those who love Him?

I would say I’m not a fan girl
But I would be lying
Once again

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4 thoughts on “Fan Girl (Poem)

  1. Pingback: Confessions of a Fangirl (Part I) | Hear See Write LIFE

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