(This is a continuation of “Confessions of a Fangirl (Part I)” so if you haven’t read it yet, check it out here. As always, I pray that this is a blessing to others and that you receive something from it.)
“Ooo…he is so fine, and so cute, and so—FINE. My God…I need to find a way to meet this man because he HAS TO BE the one for me!”
Really? You sure about that?
How would you know? You only know about the guy in the video with all the high energy and sparkling personality on camera. You don’t get to see the guy that’s not being recorded. You haven’t talked to him in person, in fact, you’ve tweeted him a couple of times, left a few comments on some pictures, and he responded once or twice, but you haven’t had a real conversation.
And you haven’t had a real conversation with him everyday.
Oh, and by the way, a real conversation does not consist of:
“OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE SOOOOO AMAZING LIKE OH MY GOSH I JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE YOU!”
“Ha ha! Thanks”
(The next day) “WOW YOU ARE LIKE SO AMAZING! You’re INCREDIBLE!”
(The next day after that) “Everyone please go watch this video now—this guy is SOOOO HOT and SOOO AWESOME!”
“Thanks for the support!”
Yeah…I highly doubt you would get a response from them every time. That second and last one might get your tweet starred by them, but that’s only if they see it and if they even really care to favorite your tweet let alone read it.
Yes, I know they say they read all of those comments, but considering the volume of comments they probably get in a day multiplied by the number of fans commenting on each social network account they have…yeah, they might be reading it but it’ll definitely be a minute before they get to yours—if they ever get to it.
Real conversations happen in person, not online and not in your head. IN PERSON. So all in all, you don’t know them. Underneath all the glitz and glamour, the stuff you only know about them through their social network pages and the very skeptical info you dug up on Wikipedia (because Wikipedia isn’t trustworthy—anybody can come through and write anything on there), what do you really know?
The answer is nothing.
Meanwhile, outside of la-la land, there’s some guy who’s waiting on you to look up from that computer screen so he can take you out on all the dates that you and that other guy will more than likely never go out on.
Trust me…the odds are not in your favor. They just aren’t.
I know what it’s like to have a list of your ideal dream man (I wrote a blog on it: check it out here). I also know how exciting it can be to stumble across a guy, whether virtually or offline, who seems to fit a majority of things on that list. It makes you wonder, could this be the one I prayed about? Could it be him? I mean it couldn’t be…but what if…?
Here’s a hint: if you have to ask, then he’s not the one.
“What if” is a snare to a fangirl. It keeps you hoping on a maybe when certainty is right there in the palm of your hands. “Maybe” will have you waiting forever and an eternity while “certainty” may mean having to wait a year or two for prince charming to arrive, perhaps even five years, but during that time of waiting you should be bettering yourself.
And what I mean by that is, figure out what exactly it is you want. Not just in the looks the department, but what do you want in a man? What are your expectations? Do you want a family, a hardworking man, an entrepreneur, a handyman, a romantic, someone who’s spontaneous, someone who likes to go out or someone who enjoys a good night in? Does he have to be a take charge guy or someone who’s lax on the reigns? Do you want a big kid at heart or a man who’s serious and all business?
Most importantly the number one thing you should consider is whether or not he believes in Jesus like you do.
You should also be figuring out what kind of woman you want to be. Improve yourself spiritually, not just physically, mentally, emotionally and even financially. Bad habits don’t disappear after saying, “I do.” None of those bad habits you have go away after getting married. Whatever issues you have before getting married, you will bring into the marriage.
Which is why I wanted to write this. God cannot help us to transform until we are willing to let go and own up to where we are. This is where I am.
I am constantly battling with lust. A conversation with the Lord reminded me that good-looking men are always going to pop up, even after I’m married. I’ll be tempted to drop my good thing—the man who’s the love of my life—for some guy who’ll look better than him but deep down doesn’t even compare to him.
I have to learn how to be content in my singleness, how to be happy with where God has me, how to appreciate the fact that He is having me to wait and reserving me for this one man who I haven’t met nor seen. Jesus not one time told me that it wouldn’t be hard or that I would not be tempted, but He did tell me I needed to be patient and trust that He knows what He’s doing.
I also have to realize that just because a guy is everything I’ve ever wanted, literally has every quality and every little detail I have on my list, doesn’t mean he’s the one for me. My dream guy could very well end up being my worst nightmare.
Whether they’re on the world wide web, plastered on magazine covers, or wherever, don’t lose yourself chasing after an illusion or drowning so deep infatuation that it turns into an obsession and you lose touch with reality. Nothing wrong with having a healthy crush on someone; it’s not a sin to have a crush.
(And if I’m wrong, show me in the Bible where it says differently—help correct me) but I’m pretty sure it’s okay to have crushes.
Crushes can turn into lust though, “WELL GEEZE JACKIE! Then is it okay or not? How do I know if I’m lusting and just having a healthy crush? What’s the difference?”
If you look upon someone, and the Holy Spirit begins to convict you for how you’re looking at them, then chances are you’re lusting and not crushing. We don’t get in trouble for looking; we get in trouble for the thoughts we have when we were looking. The Holy Spirit is our guide and it’ll always sound off when you are in the danger zone,
“Huh? Who’s that guy?”
“Hmm…he’s kinda cute.”
“Actually…he’s really fine…whoo! And where did he say he was from again? I might need to a take trip out there or somethin’ cuz GOOOOLLY he look good—”
“Oh my bad, Lord. Sorry about that…”
Yes. That really happened. Well, a bit exaggerated, but it does happen like that from time to time.
Hey, I can laugh at myself. Not ashamed to admit it.
But I’m a fangirl, and frankly, I don’t want to be one anymore. I’ll always have my favorite YouTubers, artists and the like…but to waste so much time investing into something that just isn’t real when I could be using that time to make my own dreams come alive…
Yeah, I don’t think the whole fangirl thing is for me.
And personally, as old as I am, I need to leave this stuff for the young girls because I truly feel that after high school the fangirl thing is NOT a good look on a young woman.
Note that there is a difference between a young girl and a young woman.
Until next time, next entry, Lord willing,
Take care and God bless.