In dedication to Sandra Bland

(Writing has always been a way for me to deal with things. In writing this poem to my soror Sandra Bland who passed away, this is my way of saying goodbye. Regardless of hard it might be to deal with a loss, we still have to move on and continue living. We don’t die with that person; they live in our hearts as we live.)

SANDY                  7/22/15

Out of the five
You were definitely the scariest
Like a Blue and Gold boogeyman
You definitely kept us on our toes

I look at your picture
And sometimes
It still doesn’t register
That you’re not here anymore

I find myself
Having these moments
I’m not sure
Whether or not to be sad
Especially when I’m my happiest
And I know
You’d want me to be happy
I just feel
So guilty
It’s coming up on 2 weeks since you
And I feel as though I should still
–be in mourning

Because I’m alive
And you’re not

Each day I wake up
And cling tight
To whatever memories I have of you
I have considered
Erasing every picture of you in my albums
I figured if I got rid of them
Then I could get rid of the pain
I realized however that it wouldn’t work
So I ignored it
Told myself don’t think about it
But it still hurts

And I suppose
That’s why I feel so guilty
Because instead of learning to move on
I chose to bury you
In a box
Tell everyone I’m fine
Hoping they’ll all get over it
I’m over it
But the truth is
You don’t just forget about people
You were close with
If even but for an instant

Yes it hurts
And I’m angry
As I ask myself,
Why did you come back down here,
You were fine at home
You were alive when you were home
Why did you come?

Only to hear God’s voice
Say to me,
“She was going to have to leave here,
She was going to have to leave here
She was going to die
Whether back home
Or down there,
By natural causes or whatever,
It was going to happen.
You cannot hold her responsible,
Nor be angry at her
For something out of her control.

If you were to leave here right now,
Would you want your niece to be mad
–at you?”

I see now
I can’t hold that against you
Because no man knows
The day
Nor the hour
No man knows the time
Or the day of their departure
Our death
Comes as a reminder
Of how frail and precious
Life truly is
And it cannot be wasted
We cannot waste it

I cannot waste it

So I’m going to get up
And smile
I will cry sometimes
Be a mess
And that’s okay
I will take the this time today
To give God thanks
For having a friend
And soror like you

There will never be anyone like you,
Ms. Sandra Bland
You were truly
And will always be
A one of a kind original

Delta Alpha
5ive Tails all day
Omega Rho
To one of the coolest SGRHOs
I ever knew
We all love you, Sandy

You will forever be missed

Goodbye SoRHOr
And farewell