Getting Out of My Feelings

As I’m gearing up to finally leave the place I’ve called home all my life, I find myself reluctant to do so every time I hear,

“BOUT TIME! There’s nothing for you in that place! It has nothing to offer.”
“Why would you want to live there anyway?” (laughs) “It’s so…wack!”

I take comments like that personally because of the fact that I’m a product of my hometown. It’s where I was raised, where I grew up…so when someone puts it down, I feel like they’re making negative comments about me.

I also find a desire to prove them wrong, “Oh, so you wanna talk down, huh? Okay. I’ll show ALL of you. I’ll show them you can make it here too!”

My pride is fierce. The desire to show people up and shut them up is so great that I am sometimes willing to sidestep whatever God is telling me to try and prove a point. What I’m learning, however, is that none of that is necessary.

I remember toward the beginning of this year Jesus telling me, “Stop feeling like you have to ‘get’ people. I will deal with them—just do what I told you to do.”

And as another one of those insults came at me today, I could hear Him telling me that again, “Do what I told you to do.”

The Lord has been helping to see that no matter where I go, I am taking home with me. Therefore, I can still show the world that good things can come out of my city by allowing Him to have His way through this small town girl. I’m going to surprise a lot of people; I just know it.

As the day approaches for my departure, I find myself becoming more and more afraid. For the first time in my life I am truly going to take a leap and faith, and trust God in what He has for me. I’m pursuing after my dream and going after the vision He’s giving me in writing. It’s a risk, and it’s scary, but I have to trust and believe that He will get me through.

You reach a point where you have to silence out everything and everyone else and only listen to His voice. Whatever God is telling you to do, do it. I know first hand people are going to question you, they’re going to look at you crazy and some will even try to stop you, but what God has set in motion no man can bring to a hault.

Satan can slow you down, but he can’t stop you. He’ll use anything and anybody to try and bring you down, but he CANNOT stop you. You are the only person that can prevent you from getting where you need to be.

So, as I push my pride and my fear into my back pocket, the next time I get another, “That place is so weak man. Can you say loserville?” I will give the sweetest smile there is and picture the look on their face when one of these fellow products of “loserville” takes off.

I may not have the overwhelming huge swarm of support I thought I would in my poetry, but I have Jesus.

And ultimately, that’s enough for me…God is enough.

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