Vanity (Poem)

(Going through some of my old poems and decided I’d share this one. Hope you receive a message from it—take care and God bless.)

VANITY                       (11/7/14)

I had to remind myself today
I’m beautiful

This reminder took place
After I found myself
Pouring
Over picture
After picture
Staring gazing studying examining

If that guy I’m crushing on,
If he saw it,
Would he instantly friend me?
Would he follow me
And give me tons of orange hearts?

Would he like me?
Would he like me back?

I wondered all that
And then I remembered
To remind myself

I’m beautiful,
And even if he doesn’t think so,
Each time I look into the mirror
And can say confidently
How gorgeous I am
While embracing my slightly awkward attractiveness
Is a milestone in itself

I still hold on to memories
Of a pretty young lady
Who hated herself
Disgusted so much by her own appearance
She cursed her reflection
For making her cry
And for refusing to change into what she thought
Was exceptional
Beyond radiant

Because all she ever saw was ugly

And felt ugly, too

And now
I’m sitting here
Going round two
With a third round on the way
Just to keep speaking into the looking glass
And say

I’m beautiful
I’m dynamite
Fantastically amazing
And lots of other words
That couldn’t possibly describe
The beauty I feel inside

I am a true natural beauty
And I’m not just talking about my hair
Or physical features that require
Little to no makeup
I am referring to my inner being
What makes me who I am

It’s easy
To get lulled into thinking
You’re not good enough
Fooled into believing
That the right selfie will do the trick
So the next time you log on to Instagram
You’ll be greeted with dozens of notifications

The thing about compliments,
Double taps and the like,
Such as those likes on Facebook
And what have you,
Is that they disappear
Just as soon as they appeared

It never lasts long
It’s never enough
And you’re always wanting more
So you get to brainstorming
Wondering how on earth
You’ll top yourself week after week
Before you know it
You’re going to great lengths
To join the thousand plus club

As I slowly obsessed over those photos
New and old
I could faintly hear a familiar voice

“You’re still ugly,” it whispered

And that was what made me draw the line

No I’m not
I’m beautiful
Sexy fine
Even if no one else sees it but me
Even if no guy ever tells me so

I’m beautiful

And you, my friend
Have got to go

I’ll be sure to let the door hit you on the way out.

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