June Word Challenge: Day 29

(The prompt for today’s challenge was to record yourself reading a poem, narrative or informational piece and then watch the playback, then share what things you noticed: the sound, feel of it, the rhythm or noticeable patterns, etc. The poem I decided to record was Vanity [Rewrite] and I true to form I chose to write a poem on what I took in while watching it.)

JUNE WORD CHALLENGE DAY 29: (E)MOTIONLESS

Huh…
That’s funny

I always thought
In my mind at least
That I was able to convey
The message I was sending
In my poetry
However
Watching the playback
It is almost as if
I have no real expression
Unless my whole body is thrust into it

It’s like somehow
When my poems are spoken
They require full participation
“Now, now, Jacqueline,
You can’t do this sitting down.
You’ve got to get up
And go all in!
Come on—go for it!”

Ironically,
While the only thing moving
Is my body from all the fidgeting,
And my lips to reveal teeth
As I speak
And an occasional smile
When I stumble over reading words
I wrote… (ugh)
In conversations I am always,
Always,
ALWAYS
Having to be aware of my facial expressions
Especially if someone says something
I absolutely don’t like
Without saying a word
My face will tell them,
“Negro please.”
And
“I really don’t care for you at the moment.”

Perhaps,
It’s because I naturally allow my feelings
To go unrestrained
But when reading my works out loud
My words and my feelings are all somehow
Contained
Because I concentrate so intensely
On making sure I say the words
Correctly

Only to come to the conclusion
That I mess up on cold readings anyway

I’ll have to break out of that mold
Of sitting there
Staring at the theater kids
For choosing to be a loon
Be a fool
In front of everyone, staring
Everyone’s staring

I’m a fool if I mess up
And I’m a fool if I don’t
Therefore, I guess,
I may as well join in.

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