Release

“…walking away is not cutting folks off…”

That’s one of the things the Lord told me when I studied Proverbs 3:8 way back in June of last year.

He’s brought it back to my remembrance today…

“You haven’t failed. You didn’t fail.”

“Step back. Let Me handle it.”

“You’re not abandoning them. You’re not giving up on them—you are giving up on self and surrendering to Me.”

“I can’t fix it with you in the way—you’re in My way, Jacqueline.”

“You’re in My way…remove yourself from the situation.”

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I don’t like who I’ve become in recent days. I hate waking up with contention, rage and an eagerness to destroy anything and anyone that gets in my way. I hate that I desire to have any reason to lash out so I can spew out the bitterness inside of me.

I was that girl before I came to Christ; I can’t be her again.

As much as it pains me to let go of people, I MUST do it for the sake of my sanity, peace of mind and salvation.

Sometimes I have thoughts that I failed God by not being Christ-like enough, “If you were a real Christian, you would stick it out. If you really and truly believed that God was able you wouldn’t be so quick to walk away. A real believer would work it out with the person they have an issue with!”

Those are the thoughts that brew in my mind…

And yet Jesus, being the wonderful Savior that He is, comes and eases those thoughts away by asking me,

“If someone you knew was in a toxic, abusive relationship would you tell them to stay and stick it out? If they were constantly hurting each other from beginning to end, would you tell them they were wrong for leaving? Sometimes in order to protect the people you love you have to step away.”

It doesn’t matter who that person is in your life—a friend, family member, spouse—sometimes it is necessary to take a step back. When it’s not working, it’s not working, and at that point you have to allow God to make the necessary repairs.

But He won’t repair anything you refuse to let go of.

Honestly, I’m coming to terms with the fact I may never be able to have a relationship with the person I’m releasing. All I can hope is that even if they die without us ever speaking again that I’ll have peace in my mind and heart. That I have the peace and comfort of knowing that I tried, I’ve forgiven them and I have no more regrets. There have been too many days where we became like children, petty and silly little children, “You did this to me so I’m going to do this to you! Oh, you forgive me? Well I don’t forgive you! I’m not ready to forgive you… Okay. I’m ready now. WHAT?! What do you mean you don’t forgive me? Well fine then—I take it back! I don’t forgive you anymore!”

I can’t bear to have another year of this… As painful as it’s been these past couple of days, thinking about having to finally make that step to cut them off. To actually walk away and not go back. I know it needs to be done and should have been done a long time ago, but I won’t lie to you. I’m breaking apart inside… There are moments I feel myself crumbling; I’m struggling to keep it together today. I keep asking internally, “There has to be another way. God, there has to be another way. Tell me what I need to do, please!”

And yet still, “Walk away.”

The misconception about releasing people is that you’re really believe in Christ. The lie is that we somehow have to tolerate abuse or remain in a state of turmoil and chaos; this is what the enemy would have us think. However if you really think about it, none of that makes sense.

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“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 KJV)

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“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30 KJV)

It is because we believe in Him that we don’t have to remain in a place of bondage. It is because we choose to serve Him that we don’t have to stay in a state of stagnation and death. Jesus came so that we may have LIFE. Jesus came so that we could be free in Him. Deciding to linger around in something that’s killing you spiritually because “that’s what a real believer would do” is nonsense and contradictory.

So yes, it hurts me to do this, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up; I have not failed as God’s child. All I’m doing is simply surrendering over to the Lord.

God does what He does and gives us the gifts He gives us so we can show everyone, “Look at how awesome and amazing God truly is!”

In that study I did last year, one of the last things God had me focus on was, “What we go through is not for ourselves. Someone needs to hear our testimony, our song. God did not give us the ability to do what we do so we can point back to ourselves.” So I want to encourage you to get out. If you are in a hostile relationship—GET OUT. Walk away. If you are holding on to people for the sake of trying to get along, and all you’re doing is slowly killing each other, WALK AWAY.

Release, and let go.

God is showing me that I cannot give up on Him. I may be completely and utterly through with a person, but I cannot cause it to make me give up on Him. He is teaching me I can’t fix it; I can’t change somebody or make them be who I think they should be, or know they could be, or wish they would be. I must absolutely and fully cast ALL my cares upon Him. I must be submissive and let Christ have His way in ALL things in my life.

And maybe He’s trying to teach you the same thing. You aren’t throwing them away. You are getting out of God’s way so He can do what He does best: BE GOD.

And, perhaps, it’s not meant for you and that person to have a relationship yet. Or spiritually, it just may not be a good thing for you. Whatever the case, don’t give up on God. Don’t allow it make you lose faith in who the Lord is. He CAN and He WILL do it. All things happen in due season.

Give Him time and continue letting Christ build you up. Whatever He decides to do, whether it be to restore or to tear it down completely, be content with His decision. Everything the Lord does is always for your good. In the meantime I hope you will pray with me for peace, understanding, wisdom, deliverance and forgiveness. I for one really need it. Thank you all in advance—I am thanking God now for what He’s going to do and already doing.

Take care and God bless.

Cynically Romantic (*Poem)

Normally, I would write a regular post for the newsletter but I think this poem says all the things that I’ve wanted to express this week. After watching a video a friend sent me yesterday on singleness, all sorts of emotions stirred within me. The strongest one was sadness; it was so great I felt numb emotionally…practically cynical (hence the title, Cynically Romantic.) When God had me look the word ‘cynical’ up however I saw it wasn’t just a person who’s pessimistic, but selfish as well.

I never saw romance for what it truly is, only as a way to gratify and please myself. My idea of love and romance was the exact opposite of what the Lord intended for them to be…this caused me to fall into despair even more.

Yet despite all of that, I still wasn’t willing to give up on love; there was a shining glimmer of hope in me.

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Attacking the Root: Commitment

“For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.” (Galatians 5:17-18 KJV)

Before we get into this…let’s pray. We should always pray for jumping into our Bible so that we are led by God’s understanding and wisdom. We should allow God to prepare us by letting Him open our minds to receive whatever it is He desires to tell us through His Word, and we do that through prayer. So, let’s pray right now:

Lord, thank You for another day. God, I’m asking You to help me to understand and hear what it is you need me to take away from this. Help me to pass on your wisdom to others; let it be You resonating in these words and not self. Help me to find clarity and show me how to apply this scripture to myself. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

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Savior, not Personal Assistant

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Poem (snippet:) “How Beautiful Thou Art”

As I randomly thought about my future husband and what he would be like (something I’ve been doing WAY too often these days,) I said to myself, “I need a man who’s going to LEAD! I can’t stand an indecisive man—he has to be a take charge guy…” Right as I said this, I considered where I’d have the most trouble in a marriage, “I think I’d struggle with trusting my husband…because I know I have a hard time trusting God.”

Not too long after that I began to realize I was becoming obsessed by my desire for marriage. So much so that it was turning into an idol—almost every moment of the day was me thinking about what he’d look like, what kind of dresser he’d be, what kind of personality would he have, etc. As a result my focus was not on my first husband: Jesus. Immediately I reached out to my sisters in Christ and asked them for words of encouragement and prayer. I repented and…

I asked God to tell me how I could fix it.

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