As I randomly thought about my future husband and what he would be like (something I’ve been doing WAY too often these days,) I said to myself, “I need a man who’s going to LEAD! I can’t stand an indecisive man—he has to be a take charge guy…” Right as I said this, I considered where I’d have the most trouble in a marriage, “I think I’d struggle with trusting my husband…because I know I have a hard time trusting God.”
Not too long after that I began to realize I was becoming obsessed by my desire for marriage. So much so that it was turning into an idol—almost every moment of the day was me thinking about what he’d look like, what kind of dresser he’d be, what kind of personality would he have, etc. As a result my focus was not on my first husband: Jesus. Immediately I reached out to my sisters in Christ and asked them for words of encouragement and prayer. I repented and…
I asked God to tell me how I could fix it.
Jesus promptly reminded me that if I could fix it on my own then I wouldn’t need to go to Him for help. I then asked, “Well, I guess what I want to know is how do I let go?”
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV)
“Okay, Lord…but when I find myself in these situations what do I need to do?”
And His response:
“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.” (Psalm 121:1 KJV)
“(Sigh…) okay, God.”
All I could do was hang my head because it was right then Christ showed me that I treat Him as though He’s my assistant rather than my Savior, “I’ve got this. You just take care of that over there. Oh, and while You’re out, do you think You could go and grab me an iced tea? Thanks J.C., You’re the best!”
I’ve heard the saying before, “God does not need your help…
“…so fall back; He’s got this.” I added that last part, but it still remains the same. I didn’t know it’d be such a bitter pill to swallow when I had to say it to myself. Jesus wrote the plan for my life; He knows what’s coming up and what date certain things are to take place. He knows my likes, my dislikes, tastes and interests. Ultimately, He truly does know me better than I will ever know myself because He’s constantly schooling me on me.
One of my kamp sisters sent me a link to an audio message by Elisabeth Elliot. Not gonna lie, I took one look at that lady and thought, “What can she tell me?”
Mrs. Elliot didn’t just stop by my house; she opened up the door, came in, made a sandwich, sat down on the couch and started telling me ALL about myself. All the while, I found myself groaning because everything she said hit me hard. Her words cut deep.
Then I posted up that snippet yesterday, the one at the top of this post, and after reading it all I could do was laugh, “All right Lord…I hear You, okay? I GET IT!”
How to let go, how to surrender—it’s all right there in His Word. Just because it’s not the way I would prefer to do it or would’ve gone about it in the past doesn’t mean there isn’t a solution. Jesus is the Problem Solver, but if I continuously keep trying to figure it out on my own then I am telling Him I don’t trust Him. In a game I played, the main character said something about how you don’t depend on people you can’t trust. That got me to thinking: I can’t keep saying I trust God if I keep trying to rely on me to get it done…
Real faith is being able to trust God in spite of. Yeah, I know what I want to do, I know what I want to say, but do I trust Him?
Jesus Christ our SAVIOR, not our Personal Assistant. Yes, He’ll take care of our every need, but He’s not here to cater to our every whim. He came to save me from myself, to give me life and show me a better way of living. Jesus isn’t some mere random dude that’s here to take orders from me—He’s the KING OF KINGS! The Ruler I’m not worthy to serve under, but calls me unto Him anyway. He desires to give me an inheritance AND eternal life—all the things I know I don’t deserve yet Jesus wants me to have them. Without Him I cannot survive and someone that important shouldn’t be treated as a standby, but the Chief.
These are all things I have to come to understand. Honestly it hasn’t gotten through yet; it has been slow going, yet slowly but surely something is getting through. It just hasn’t broken through right now although I know it will one day. It will be clear for me, that I can attest to.
So…Jesus doesn’t need any assistance; He needs us to remain faithful and be obedient. God DOES know what He’s doing…trust Him.