Cynically Romantic (*Poem)

Normally, I would write a regular post for the newsletter but I think this poem says all the things that I’ve wanted to express this week. After watching a video a friend sent me yesterday on singleness, all sorts of emotions stirred within me. The strongest one was sadness; it was so great I felt numb emotionally…practically cynical (hence the title, Cynically Romantic.) When God had me look the word ‘cynical’ up however I saw it wasn’t just a person who’s pessimistic, but selfish as well.

I never saw romance for what it truly is, only as a way to gratify and please myself. My idea of love and romance was the exact opposite of what the Lord intended for them to be…this caused me to fall into despair even more.

Yet despite all of that, I still wasn’t willing to give up on love; there was a shining glimmer of hope in me.

From that video I learned that singleness is a suffering way and with it comes loneliness and the desire for sex. If we can endure while we are single, then we can endure when we are married. You can endure anything because regardless if you’re single or not, you still have to run your race and live a life pleasing unto God. I have to learn and relearn these concepts, and although Jesus burst my bubble, I’m on the journey to putting away those childish thoughts and ideologies. I’m grasping on to Truth, and for that, I am grateful.

I hope my poem will speak to those going through the same process as me. One thing that’s sticking in my mind today is something Jesus told me yesterday and this morning, “The reason why you desperately desire a relationship is because you are unwilling to suffer by yourself.” Don’t forget that we all must suffer, we all must endure and Jesus is right there with us. Stop trying to shortcut the process because you only end up doing a disservice to yourself; go through this season of your life with the hope to endure whatever comes your way.

broken-heart

CYNICALLY ROMANTIC       9/22/16

I used to think I was a romantic
I thought romance
Was pink and frills
Princesses
Cute flowers and surprise smiles
Under warm sunsets
Greeting sunrises
You could see it
You can see it
All over my poetry
But one day
The Truth came
And It completely shattered
My childhood
“There is no happily ever after,”
“There is no beauty or beast
Because you are the monster
Untamed and unchained,”
“There is only tragedy
And reality comes
To take its place.”

I used to think I was a romantic
Until one day I heard all those things
And witnessed my precious rose
Glowing within that glass case
Be snuffed out
There’s no more glow there
Only cold and darkness
A bitterness came over me
I was angry with God
Because how dare He…
How dare He do this to me?
And then
I am reminded
The truth hurts
And it’s not easy letting go
Of that precious false memory
You held on to for so long
My childhood is gone…
But God said look again
And the dark hand of void pulls away
To leave behind a solitary petal
Just one
By itself
As I question every feeling
I’ve ever felt
And I am told once again
That singleness is a suffering way
And so is marriage
So is happiness
And true romantics
Know of heartache
Long before they know joy
But
They do know it
In due season
And out of it

I used to think I was a romantic
Until I found out what it means
To truly be
Romantic:
Self-sacrificing
Dying to the flesh
To greatly please the One above us
By serving those around us
Showing great love
And compassion
For the one He puts you with
And considering Him, then them,
All before you
I thought I was a romantic
I thought I knew
Until I discovered I knew nothing at all
And yet
I have gone from a moment of grief
To a moment of rediscovery

Lord,
I pray You teach me
Teach me what romantic means
Because what I think it is
It is not

You made it this far without a ‘bae.’ You’re still alive. Now keep going, continue growing and allow Christ to build you up into a better person. One who reflects His image to the world.

Here’s a link to that video for those of you who’d like to listen to it:
The Beauty of Singleness

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One thought on “Cynically Romantic (*Poem)

  1. Pingback: (Sept. 23) Vol. 6, No. 20 – shnewsletter

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