Strangled (Poem)

Rather than write a post, I decided I’d write a poem instead. I hope you all receive something from this.

strangled

STRANGLED

“Blessed are the pure in heart:
for they shall see God.”

Matthew 5:8

I had a dream about you
The other night
And in it
Was a grieving woman
Crying over the loss of her son
She was talking to someone
And then she called me over
And she told me,
“It’s not worth it.
Your father, it’s not worth it.”
Somehow
Tears began to run down

I remember waking up
Feeling light in my spirit
Happy in my heart
As I thought to myself
I should call him
I’ll call him today

Then I went back to sleep
And when I woke up again
Little by little
I recalled every argument we ever
—had
Every time I forgave you
Only to end up hating you
All over again
By noon,
I was strongly against it
Very adamant
That anger seeped back in
And just like that
My heart hardened

Truth is,
I’m tired of fighting with you
But I’m also sick of making nice
At this point of my life
I don’t even care about getting
—along
I just want to be over it
I’m begging for cordial
And praying for miracles

Most people in my situation
Who have tumultuous relationships
—with their fathers
Usually don’t find reconciliation
Until their father finally comes to God
And they’re both much, much older
And shortly after
It’s time for their father to go on to
—glory

I’ve accepted the fact
That it’s highly likely that you
And I
Will never get along
We can’t get through the rest of the
—album
For being stuck on the same song
Always the same song

Heh…
I can feel the anger surging
Right now

And yet
A great sadness as well
Because you may die
Never becoming the man
God created you to be
You may go to your grave
Blaming everyone for why things
—are
The way that they are
But never looking into the mirror
And examining the person
Staring you back in your face

When I think this
All I hope for
Is if that should happen
I can find solace
And peace in my heart
At least
I hope I can find those things
Before something like that happens

Perhaps that dream
Was trying to tell me something

It’s not the first time I’ve dreamt
About you
Before
The one I had before this one
You were sick
You looked terrible
And you were angry
And we were both doing everything
In our power
To avoid each other

So
As I read the verse for this month’s
Monthly Tidbit
For the church newsletter
I hear God speaking now to me
As the words to this poem come
Whispering

Can you see God with a black heart?
Can you bear to look Him in the face?

“Daughter,” He told me the other day,
“Daughter,
You are killing yourself.
You are slowly killing yourself.
Give it to Me.
Let it go,
And give it to Me.”

One day
I’m going to have to talk to you

And one day
I will let it all go once again
And no matter what you say
Even if you should choose
To play that same tune
Over and over again

I will not pick it back up

Even when you do

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One thought on “Strangled (Poem)

  1. Pingback: (Dec. 2) Vol. 6, No. 28 – shnewsletter

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