Growing Apart

Sailboat

It’s interesting how backsliding works. One day your seeking Jesus’s face; the next day you’re out in the middle of the ocean. You don’t know how long you’ve been out there; you haven’t even noticed that Jesus isn’t within view anymore. It just happens to be that you catch yourself staring out at nothing, wondering how long you’ve been out of touch with God.

You start asking yourself how much time has passed since you were last with Jesus. Has it been a day, a week—two or three months?

I would say it’s been months, and yet somehow, I think it’s been longer than that.

At least, that’s what it feels like.

I saw all the signs, but it didn’t become real for me until I read the verse Psalm 40:8,

“I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.” (Ps. 40:8 KJV)

As the Lord had me meditate on the verse, I began to see that my passion for God had dwindled, if not died. I recall a time when I used to be excited to write poems for Him. I had a bad habit of waiting until the last minute to do the newsletters, but I gave it everything I had. I pushed myself to get the latest issue out even if that meant having to release it late because I missed the date.

I remember having a desire to read and study His Word—a need to study His Word. I can think on those mornings when I started making point to begin my day with prayer. Or when I took my ministry seriously and the assignments the Lord charged me with.

Then somewhere along the way the poems became fewer and fewer. I studied and read less and less. Other things became more important to me; other things were more interesting to me.

And eventually Christ became irrelevant altogether.

Going to church and listening to the message was the highlight of my week. Now they seemed to be dragging. Bible study was a must until it became a monotonous routine that didn’t seem to hold my attention. I struggled to take notes for both Sunday and Wednesday nights.

Even now I recognize that I’m under attack, but I haven’t grasped it because it doesn’t feel like I’m under attack, “I mean, I’m not really suffering; I feel fine…so…”

But that’s one of the devil’s best tricks, isn’t it? The power of deception and making you feel like everything is okay when it’s really not. The house isn’t burning down, so you’re good. Meanwhile the largest hurricane is on its way towards you and you aren’t aware because you’ve been lulled to sleep.

It’s time for me to wake up now. Time to wake up and get back into the fight again.

I need to rediscover my joy for God, to reset and focus back on my purpose, my calling, my ministry.

I need to get back to what’s important. Right now, that is God and my relationship with Him.

If you are in a place right now where serving Jesus seems more like a chore or seeking righteousness genuinely makes you roll your eyes, consider the scripture and what it says. Be honest with yourself—where are you really spiritually? Are you still in love with God?

Or have you found yourself pushing Him away?

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Daring To Be (Poem)

Thump, thump, thump
I can hear them
Thump, thump, thumping
Knocking
Banging against the walls
Of my ribs
Knock, knock
Open up
Let us out
Let us in

Shall we write today?
Why not
It’s been weeks since the last poem

So many things
Swirling inside
So many feelings
And thoughts
Yet somehow
After all this time
I’m still afraid

Of how people
Will see me

I wanted to write a poem
About a man’s eyes once
Not necessarily in a romantic way
I just found them so intriguing
The pain
And the beauty in them

The art of life is at times
Indescribable
But we as artists
Try anyway because

That’s what we do

So many poems
Bursting inside
Ready to spring forth
And pour out

And meanwhile
As you sit there hiding
Waiting for this perfect
Most opportune moment
To come
It never will
And that poems decays faster
Than an adolescent’s imagination
You are putting your dreams in acid

And hoping they’ll come out whole
Again
Once you get the timing right,
Of course
But of course you know
That method never works

You do know that, don’t you?
Certainly you do

Certainly, yes

Do what you were created to do
Create
Write
Imagine
Dream
Inspire

Don’t let misinterpretations,
Misunderstandings
And future judgmental comments
And scrutiny
Stifle and smother out a flame

Before you even light it


If you enjoy reading my works, please be sure to buy a copy of my latest book To Whom It May Concern

TWMC_Front Cover(resized)

Taboo

Woman-Hand Over Mouth

Photo source: Google Images

This being brave thing is harder than I thought…

(Before I go any further) What I’m going to talk about might be a bit much for some people, so if you’re one of those who gets grossed out easily then you’ve been warned. Don’t worry, I’m not going to post up any photos…that’s a little too personal for me.

Now then…

I’ve been inspired to start another blog focused on women’s health after my latest ordeal: an incessant yeast infection that shows up every month since around late last year.

(Some of you might be wondering, “And what does this have to do with Jesus?” Hold your horses. I’m going to get to that; just let me open up about this first.)

Studies show that 3 out of 4 women will have a yeast infection, and it’s relatively normal to have 3 or 4 a year. The first time I had a yeast infection was my sophomore year in college. It was bad, but no biggie. I took over the counter medicine for it and went about my way. Although later on in my life the infections became more persistent. One year I remember it got so bad I couldn’t sit or walk normally. I couldn’t sleep due to all the discomfort. Eventually I had to see a doctor and was prescribed some very strong antibiotics (I can’t tell you the name; I couldn’t pronounce them even if I tried.)

It seems as though I’ve found myself back there again, seeing as how terrible it’s gotten and the over-the-counter medicine isn’t working (I’m schedule to see a doctor next week.) It has pushed me to read up on yeast infections. I came across some very startling things: one being that diabetes could be a reason for why I’ve had so many between last year and this one.

I’m afraid.

I keep telling myself to think positively, but the one thing that keeps echoing in my head is, “Even if the doctor gives you a bad report, do you will still trust God to be God? Do you still believe that God is able?”

While researching I wondered why women tend to be so hush-hush on these things, “Shouldn’t we talk more about these kinds of things?” Then I read an article of a woman’s struggle with bacterial vaginosis (an aggressive form of a yeast infection.) In her case, she seemed to keep getting it from her sex partners. At that moment I thought to myself, “She’s nasty…really, really nasty!”

Woman-Stink Face

Photo source: Google Images

Then it dawned on me why a lot of women don’t open up. No one wants to be seen that way and the fact that she was honest about her order was very courageous. It wasn’t as if she had multiple partners—and let’s be clear. In NO WAY do I encourage premarital sex. PLEASE WAIT FOR MARRIAGE—but BV (bacterial vaginosis for short) isn’t an STD or STI. Women can get it from any of the following:

  • High sugar, carb intake
  • Sexual intercourse
  • Clothing (skinny jeans, unbreathable underwear, wet gym clothes or bathing suit, etc.)
  • Low pH levels (possibly from stress or menopause)
  • Use of body sprays, scented soaps or fragranced/perfumed products on the genital area
  • Low immune system
  • Diabetes

Allergies or an allergic reaction to something can also be a factor. What’s worse is that BV can end up becoming a chronic illness, therefore a change in diet may be necessary. So for me to react the way I did was me being judgmental of her.

I think about the woman with the issue of blood. How many people do you think looked at her as though she was something disgusting? Back in those days, the law said she couldn’t get near anyone—no one was allowed to touch her because she was considered unclean.

She didn’t let that stop her from seeking her healing from Christ though…

Truth is a lot of us are very ignorant when it comes to women’s health, myself included. We could learn to be more understanding and take the time to educate ourselves on this stuff, women especially should. Why be ashamed to share or talk about it? I’m sure there are plenty who might disagree with me and suggest I keep these things to myself.

But I think about women all over the world dealing with this stuff in silence, and I said to myself yesterday, “I’ll do it. I’ll speak up, and if they’re too scared to, I’ll be a shield for them. I’ll gladly take on the criticisms and vile comments if it means it’ll help bring more women together to discuss with one another.”

As I said before, being brave is harder than I thought.

Yet somehow, deep down inside, something tells me it’s more ungodly to shun women for sharing their health stories than it is to write about it. I think it’s more ungodly to encourage women to be quiet and deal with it alone, quarantining them into isolation, than it is to say, “Hey, you’re not alone. I’m battling this crap, too. It sucks, but we’re in this together!” Long as Christ is for us, it doesn’t matter what people say or think; there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

Going back to that woman with the issue of blood, she wasn’t worried about the whispers or the looks she would get. All she thought was, “If I can just touch the hem of His garment…” She reached out in faith knowing that God was going to heal her.

What’s so beautiful about it is that not one time was Jesus offended by the woman’s condition. He recognized her faith, He blessed her—Jesus LOVED her anyway.

Regardless of what your condition is, whatever report the doctors have given you, do you believe that God is? Know and understand He’s not going to judge you; He loves you and He’s more than capable of giving you the healing you need. Continue trusting in Jesus.

Woman Group On Blue

Photo source: Google Images