Reconstruction: Pt. 1 – Blueprint

Photo source: Google Images

They say your sophomore year is always the worst year. You come in thinking that you know everything because you’re not the new kid anymore, “I’ve been there, done that. Unlike like these fish around here… You see that lost look on their face? Man, so glad I’m done with all of that!”

You are so clueless about what’s to come.

I thought I had it simply because I already been there before, however I was in for a very rude awakening.

This is part one of the Reconstruction series, a reflection of my time while working at  Kids Across America this year. The intro can be read here: Reconstruction: Ground Zero.

All right. Let’s dive right into it.

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Looking back I find it quite hilarious how I was turning 29 that summer and was insecure about it, yet I was so…

Immature.

There were so many times when God would call me on it, “That’s fine, but how would a twenty-nine-year-old woman handle that situation?” “Okay, but how would a twenty-nine-year-old woman behave?” “You could do that, but what would a twenty-nine-year-old WOMAN choose to do?”

I just remembered a time when the Lord kept stressing to me that this was a NEW season. This was probably a few months before going to KAA. “You can’t go into the new season doing old things.” I recall Him telling me that if I went through the new season doing the same old stuff then I would miss the opportunity to learn something and completely have wasted it.

And Lord knows I almost did…

“Do all things without murmurings and disputings;” (Philippians 2:14 KJV)

I think those first couple of weeks or so all I did was complain: “That’s wrong.” “We didn’t do it like this last year.” “Why don’t they know the cheers already?” “They’re being so lame! Why isn’t everyone getting hype? It’s day 3 already—GET WITH THE PROGRAM!”

Yes, I was arrogant and immature.

I was also a hypocrite.

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One summer under my belt—one summer—and I was suddenly a pro.

I forgot how rough around the edges I was when I first worked there.

I forgot how unwilling I was to cheer, dance or “jump around and go crazy for Christ.”

I forgot how I was so closed off that I literally walked out of the dining area during breakfast because I couldn’t stand the high-spirited atmosphere. Oh, did I mention that it was mandatory for staff to eat together during staff training? Did I also mention that I was a bit of ways from my kamp and I had no idea which way to walk in order to get back?

I forgot how sick I was of everyone there. I thought they all were fake and pretending to be nice because it was part of their job.

I forgot about how hard it was adjusting being so far from home. KAA is in Missouri; I’m from Texas. I hadn’t ever been that far from my family for such a long period of time.

Oh yeah, I also forgot that when I originally signed up for the job, it was because I saw it as an easy $2,000. So while I was excited about coming, my heart was more so focused on getting a check rather than the actual core of what KAA stands for: drawing to Christ while leading others to the Savior in the process.

So in the midst of my annoyance with so many changes, I failed to recall how it was for me starting out. I also failed to see how I was wasting this wonderful new season of my life. I was too busy trying to relive the last one.

And when I think about it now, all I can say is that I’m sorry.

I totally sucked as a vet and it grieves my heart. So many of those newbies, especially my co, deserved so much better.

Therefore it’s no wonder that the Lord pressed on me to grow up. He constantly pressed on me to become more disciplined, while building me up to be a leader. All of that consisted of having to tear down and rebuild almost every day for the first half of the summer. Let me tell you, that is not the most fun experience and I was DEFINITELY not happy about it, but I’m so grateful for it now.

All those times I kept asking Him, “Why do I always have to be the bigger person?” “Why do I have to be a leader, Lord?” Why, why, why, why…

The answer is simple, of course,

“Because you know better.”

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