Reconstruction: Pt. III – Weather Delays

Previously in this series:

Intro
Part I
Part II

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Old habits die hard.

At least, that’s how the saying goes and I believe there’s truth in it.

Those things of old are difficult to kill, but not impossible. They can die; there’s some hope in that.

I’d like to say my life tends to be a spiritual rollercoaster. Just as I’m on top and it seems like everything is on the up and up, the situation changes for the worse. Down, down, down I go. Slowly I head into the descent and then in a matter of seconds I’m spiraling into a low.

Truly I feel as if I’m in that place once again…

All those old demons I’ve dealt with all my life came resurfacing back into my face (Matthew 12:43-44). It’s true. We do become new creatures in Christ, but the devil doesn’t stop harassing you because you’ve finally decided to start doing right by God. He has one mission: to deter you from seeking to reach heaven by any means necessary (I Peter 5:8).

I couldn’t understand it then, but I think I’m starting to get it now.

“I just studied my Word. So why am I so angry? Why does it feel like I took a step backwards? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?”

I eventually started regressing. I went from studying every day to not studying at all. I was making God the first priority of my day when I woke up, to making me the first priority of my day. My conversation, my thoughts, my actions… These things didn’t glorify God in any way.

It was only on Thursdays that I halfway got it together. I had to. I couldn’t go up to read my poetry—my Christ centered poetry—and not be somewhat spiritual decent.

Annoying. Aggravating. I always felt so ashamed of myself. On the day of when I had to go perform, I would try to find a quiet place within the venue. There I would spend most of my time praying in repentance, asking God to speak to somebody in spite of me. If I had to sum up those prayers in one sentence, it’d be:

Lord, use me despite my bad decisions.

Thinking about how I acted and how I treated Him earlier that week, then realizing I had to go represent Him before all those people was sobering. I couldn’t bear to ask Him to use me sometimes because I knew I had to cut up. I knew I hadn’t been consistent. I hadn’t been giving Him His time or spending time in His Word. When I would study, I didn’t apply what I studied. Each week He gave me a poem that related word for word to my situation.

“God, I’m not worthy… I know I’m not worthy, but please God… Please speak to someone tonight. Let this poem reach somebody.”

No, I didn’t get it then.

Eventually, the low is coming. It’s what you do in the low that matters. We all make bad decisions, but you can always rise above them.

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. (I Peter 5:10 KJV)

Everyone has to suffer at some point. Just because you’re in the low doesn’t mean you stop altogether. You’re exactly where you need to be; the Lord is going to strengthen you in that low. He’s going to make you better—you will be better, but you have to see it through. You have to choose to fight in spite of however you’re feeling that day or whatever else is going on.

Honestly, I haven’t really been doing that.

I’ve choosing to let my situation overwhelm me rather than truth God through the midst of it and keep swinging.

But…

Now that I see it, now’s a great time to lace up those boxing gloves.

Don’t worry about if someone’s praying for you. When it feels like the darkness has engulfed you and the enemy is on every side—pray for yourself.

The day you stop praying for you, the minute you turn away from God’s Word and flee back to those old habits, you’ve already given up. In turn, you delay the great things that Jesus is planning to do in your life:

Restoration.
Peace.
Deliverance.

Everything good and wonderful He’s prepared gets delayed further and further the longer you choose not to fight back.

I remember the Holy Spirit saying to me one night, “God is your Strong Tower. All you have to do is run to Him.” Then He asked, “God is you Strong Tower, but who are you running to? What do you run to…?”

I hate my situation. I truly detest it.

But I hate the things that had me in bondage for so many years of life. I also hate that I compulsively, almost instinctively, run back to those things when I’m depressed, topsy-turvy or everything is a mess.

I hate that more than anything else.

So even though I don’t like my situation, I’m ready to do something about it.

Correction: I’m ready for God to do something about it.

I’m ready to return back to that state I was in before I felt kamp and go back to trusting where God has placed me and trusting Him through whatever the circumstance is.

I had to be reminded of that at kamp. I’m being reminded of that right now.

I’m sure I’ll need that reminder again somewhere down the road.

Who or what is your strong tower? You say you trust God, you say you love Him, you say that He’s Lord, but is He the One you run to (Proverbs 18:10)?

We all suffer a little while, but in the end:

We get the crown.

And then,

Cast it at His feet.

(James 1:12; Revelation 4:10-11)